


all i dream of is waking to you

by psiikj4k



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Meteorstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:40:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23817829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psiikj4k/pseuds/psiikj4k
Summary: Karkat misses his ex-moirail. He hates himself for that.Past GamKat, basically just Karkat missing Gamzee for 1000+ words.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Gamzee Makara/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 3
Kudos: 42





	all i dream of is waking to you

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so this started out as a bit of a ventfic, missing people hurts and you know, might as well write about it. Hope you enjoy it.
> 
> Title is from Comatose by Skillet.

Karkat sat in his room on the meteor, gazing at the only vent in the room. He couldn’t help but remember the times before the game, before Gamzee had snapped the way he did. The moment when he and Gamzee became moirails stood out to Karkat, remembering how his heart soared when he saw Gamzee’s response on Trollian. A shaky sigh escaped him, tears prickling uncomfortably at his eyes.

But Karkat wasn’t here just to mope. He knew Gamzee heard everything from the vents, and he wanted to say something. He stood up, took a deep breath and started speaking.

“You hurt our friends so much. I’m fucking terrified of you. You’re absolutely batshit insane. But I miss you. I miss you so damn much it hurts. I miss your nonsensical rants about miracles. I miss seeing your stupid clown smiley without feeling absolute fucking terror. I want to be around you so bad but I don’t know how to anymore. I don’t think I can anymore. I can’t understand how you feel. You’ve been through so much, with your lusus and the sopor and all the other shit...and I don’t know how to help you. But I want to be there for you. I want you to know I’m here no matter what. I’d still do anything for you. Because I…I still fucking pity you.”

By the end of his speech, tears were falling freely down Karkat’s cheeks, small sobs forcing their way out of his mouth. He sank to the floor, curling up and trying to remember how to breathe.

His head jerked up when he heard a knock at the door. He hoped against hope that it was Gamzee, here to apologize over and over and hold him close, but realistically he knew it wasn’t him. He buried his face back into his arms, hoping whoever was about to open the door would just leave.

Karkat heard the door open, and lifted his head to see who it was, only to see Dave leaning awkwardly against the doorframe, looking at him.

“What the fuck do you want?” Karkat asked, question lacking any of its usual bite.

“I thought I should warn you that yelling into the vents doesn’t exactly guarantee privacy. You okay?”

He’d forgotten that other people could hear things from the vents, not just Gamzee. Fuck.

“How much did you hear?”

“Uh, pretty much all of it. Sorry, I didn’t mean to listen in, that was personal as fuck.” Dave looked really guilty, and Karkat didn’t have the energy to actually throw a fit over this.

“Just leave me alone, Strider.” Karkat said quietly, looking away.

He heard the door close and felt a bit guilty. Dave was just worried, and Karkat had just kicked him out. Curling up as small as he could, he rested his forehead on his arms and closed his eyes, sighing. His heart hurt so much. He wanted his moirail…

His head shot up when he heard the door open again. Dave walked inside holding a cup of coffee, closing the door behind him. He had his shades pushed up into his hair, and was looking everywhere but at Karkat.

“You said you wanted to be alone, but I’m kind of worried and I don’t know if the clown is going to come and if he does, I don’t want you to be alone, you know, so I just—”

Karkat was caught a bit off guard by Dave’s lack of shades and sudden rambling, but cut him off before he could go on too long.

“Jegus, can you shut up for two fucking seconds? It’s okay.”

Dave looked visibly relieved, and made his way over to Karkat, sitting on the floor next to him. Karkat accepted the cup of coffee that was passed to him, mumbling a thanks. It was horrible, but it was what they had, and it was the thought that counted.

“I really fucking miss Gamzee.” Karkat said before he could stop himself. Well, guess they were talking about it.

Dave made a humming sound, looking at him and tilting his head a bit, prompting him to say more.

“I was such a clueless wiggler when I started talking to him online. I was fucking pale flirting left and right without even noticing and he was too fucking moronic to get it.” Karkat smiled, small and sad. “I only realized it when Kanaya pointed out how much I talked about him.”

Karkat lost himself in memories, recounting how he and Gamzee got together through Kanaya's shameless meddling, and when his sopor addiction started getting worse. How he used to cry almost every day, worried that Gamzee would overdo it and his lusus wouldn’t be there to help him.

And then they had started playing the game. Meeting Gamzee for the first time had been incredible, he had been swept up in a hug from the taller troll, and although Karkat had cursed him out so much after, they both knew he had been hugging him back just as tight.

Karkat’s heart clenched painfully as he started telling Dave how Gamzee had started to distance himself. Karkat had been desperate for comfort after they were locked out of their new universe, so he had gone to Kanaya. His pale feelings for Gamzee never wavered, but he just felt so lonely and unwanted. He felt guilty for letting Gamzee just drift away from him.

“And even after everything he fucking did, everyone he fucking killed…I still pity him.” Karkat’s voice faltered at the end, tears threatening to come back. He made an effort not to cry, not in front of Dave, but what was meant to be a sigh came out as a sob. “I can’t fucking deal with this anymore. I hate feeling like this, and I hate having to pretend I wouldn’t drop everything in a second for him. He hurt my team so much, what kind of fucking leader am I?”

Karkat was so lost in his self hate that he barely noticed Dave easing the half empty coffee mug out of his hands and onto the floor next to him. He did notice when an arm came to rest on his shoulders, pulling him into Dave’s side. He opened his mouth to protest, but all that came out was a choked sob.

Next thing Karkat knew, he was sobbing freely into Dave’s chest, hands fisted in his shirt. Dave didn’t say anything, just wrapped his arms around him and held tight, resting his chin on Karkat’s head.

“Dave, I miss him so fucking much. Every fucking time I wake up, I just hope that he’ll be in the common room, drinking coffee with us, not hiding in the fucking vents like a rabid animal!” Karkat said between hiccups. He felt Dave running his fingers through his hair, gently scratching his scalp, and relaxed a bit. He forced himself to breathe slower, steadier.

“Hey, you ok?” Dave asked a few minutes later, after he noticed Karkat breathing slower and not shaking like a leaf in the wind. All he got was a small nod in response.

“I’m going to be honest here, I don’t know what to say. But I do know that no one will judge you for feeling this. Hell, Terezi still misses Vriska after everything. No one is going to think you’re a bad leader.” Dave said, voice quiet. “And…I know what it’s like to miss someone after they’ve hurt you.”

Karkat looked up at Dave, his emotions so obvious without his shades. Dave was looking down at him with a mixture of fondness, pity, and pain. Karkat wanted to ask what Dave meant, but didn’t want to pry too much. This was the most that he had ever spoken to Dave, just because Karkat had told almost his whole life story didn’t mean Dave would do the same.

“What I’m trying to say is…it’s okay. It’s okay to miss him. And it’s okay to feel like this. You’re not alone. I’m here.” Dave ran his hand through Karkat’s hair, a reassuring smile on his face.

Karkat averted his gaze, overwhelmed from the obvious emotions in Dave’s bright red eyes. He curled up to Dave’s side again, face hidden in his chest.

“Thanks.” Karkat mumbled, muffled in Dave’s shirt.

“Anytime, bro.”

Karkat felt ripped open and raw. He felt way too vulnerable. He still missed Gamzee more than anything. But right now, with Dave, he felt safe. He relaxed, feeling Dave’s hand gently play with his hair, and ended up dozing off, purring barely audible but definitely there.

Dave looked down at Karkat’s relaxed features, hearing him purr, and a wave of protectiveness came over him. He wouldn’t let anyone hurt this little shouty troll again. He pulled Karkat closer and rested his cheek on the top of his head, and closed his eyes.


End file.
